A Difficult Climb

I was overwhelmed and in tears for the third time in a situation I should have been able to deal with. There are always rude people. People who blame everything they are going through on someone else. Today was just my turn to get pointed at and put down.

She came walking up (in the drive through) from her car parked two back. She wanted me to be very aware of how late I was making her and how many angry customers were behind her that I had to look forward to. It was my fault she would be late, and my fault that the line had stalled. She was convinced that I personally was failing at my job and I should fix it by listening to her advice.

This went on for a few moments as she vented through the window, telling me the customer I was helping was taking too long and I should tell her to park and wait so that everyone else could get on with their day.

I responded with, “I’m sorry. I know this is an inconvenience to you, we will get things moving as soon as we can.”

This wasn’t good enough and she set in again for a minute or so.

“I apologize for the delay, I understand it’s frustrating…” I attempted.

She cut me off. “You need to get this line moving. Do you realize how long of a line you have? I bet you don’t. You aren’t doing your job.”

I was caught off-guard.

We get rushed customers and less than polite ones on a daily basis. Part of the job. For the most part, I make it a goal to cheer people up and keep things optimistic. It isn’t very common to have customers who seem to want to break you down. I was irritated. I had tried to make it right and soothe the situation. I was also trying to help the customer who was at the window while we waited for her order.

It was not my fault alone. It had been a busy morning and we had a lot of orders in a row that took longer than normal to fill. No explanation was going to convince her. I was irritated and I let it get to me.

“I would appreciate if you wouldn’t demean me to make your point. I am doing what I can.” I replied curtly.

“Well now you’re being rude.” she responded emphatically. “Ask her to pull around so we can get our drinks, do your job like you’re supposed to. How do you spell your name? I will be calling your manager.”

I showed her my name tag, and informed her when my manager would be in next.

“Now. Are you going to have her move so we can get going?” She demanded.

I had run out of appropriate responses. A million things were running through my head, trying to figure out how to juggle the customer she was talking about, as well as her, and respond in the best possible way.

“I could do that.” I said weakly. I had no other response in mind. I couldn’t think of how to diffuse the situation and was internally ashamed at my lack of response.

“Good,” She replied shortly and went back to her car.

One look at the customer in the car at the window and I knew I had made a mistake. I had not defended the customer who deserved my attention, in order to bow to the over-bearing presence of the frustrated one.

I compromised what I knew was right because I worried about confrontation getting worse.

As soon as she left, I realized my emotions were bubbling and I was going to have to take a minute. I walked to the back and mouthed “five minutes” to a co-worker.

Standing in the back room in tears trying to breathe and shake and reconcile…It took a minute to slow my thoughts down.

I realized I wasn’t hurt by the encounter and I wasn’t angry either.

All this emotion was my frustration at my response.

I had searched for the diplomatic response and then the de-escalating one after that. Having tried all the practical options, I was tempted to respond in anger or frustration. When I couldn’t think of anything and she kept poking and blaming…I snapped to the defensive.

I had been doing what I could but got distracted with trying to keep up under my own strength; I was unprepared and un-armored.

“Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” Ephesians 6:10-11

I know I will deal with more people. and people are broken.

“Lord how do I deal with broken hurting people who hurt me?”

I was frustrated at the window because I couldn’t think of a really good response. I could think of mean ones or clever ones and even defensive “leave me alone” responses. The one I couldn’t find or think of was…compassion.

There was an answer that I could have given to help this lady. Something I could have said to make her feel seen, acknowledged, and not alone on her difficult day.

There was a reason she was feeling overwhelmed too. Overwhelmed to the point of bubbling over and letting the negatives fly out.

We have all had mornings where everything seems to go wrong.
What if this lady was having one of those mornings? She may have even come through the drive-through to make the morning easier; a treat. Her expectations were not met, instead she found a long line that stalled for several minutes.

I am convinced she doesn’t usually go through her days trying to wound people. There was something going on in her life that led her to that level of stress. Something wasn’t right before she got to my window.

When she was saying rude things to me…

What was she really saying?

Her words were: “I am late and you are inconveniencing me”

But really? If I want to see people with compassion, I need to see humans. I believe we all mean well at heart but life is hard on all of us. What could she have been dealing with? What might she have been saying?

“I am so behind and I can’t handle all this that’s on my plate. I am trying my best and then I get stuck in this line that I can’t get out of. Why is this happening, who is going to help me with all of this.. I am alone in this and no one understands.”

Maybe this is what she meant but couldn’t say.

Hurting people hurt people. Those who look the most broken and hardened need the dost love and support. Unconditional support.

I want to be one who sees people and shows them compassion even when they appear to be the last ones to deserve it.

My response wasn’t terrible…but it didn’t make this woman feel loved and cared for either. It’s easy to care for the courteous people; the friends. The ones who are difficult—not so much.

If I could go back to that morning I would pray before ever getting to work:

“Lord today I invite your presence over me. Come and walk with me through the day. May my ears be opened to what others are truly saying and what you are saying. Let me hear truth and speak love. I have this opportunity and this day to speak life into a world of hurry…let me speak it clearly. I put on the full armor of God that I may be able to resist the devil’s schemes and stand firm in the truth of your word. Thank you for being ever present and good. All the time good. Thank you for pursuing me, guiding me, sending the people I need; and sending me to those who need me. Thank you for blessing me. Help me to bless you and honor you with my words and actions today. Amen”

I would speak to the frustrated customer differently:
“I am sorry you are having such a hard morning. I know being stuck in the drive through wasn’t part of your plan and isn’t making your day any easier. I will get the line moving as quickly as I can, is there anything I can do to make your day go a little more smoothly other than speeding things up?”
I don’t know what her response would have been, but I want to be one who can really see people. See what they mean when they speak, even if it doesn’t match what they say. What is the cry of their heart?

I’m going to make mistakes and say the wrong things too. I don’t like making mistakes or admitting them. I am ashamed of my imperfections, flaws and faults. I would want grace. Want to be seen as a person and not my mistake.

Today I admit my mistake, but I go further.. I choose to forgive my self, not to accept the shame and accept His grace.

I’m not perfect. She wasn’t perfect. None of us are.

He was.

Can I take a step out of my feelings and indignation at the offense? I hope I can learn to. We are all in the same boat of shared sin. Why do I deserve more or less than my drive through friend?

Just because I’m telling the story? No..I’m sure my story is flawed too.

But I can remember this woman and gain perspective. She is a beloved child of God.

She did not treat me well…

but I failed to love her too.

Thank you Father for forgiveness. For seeing us. For loving us. For keeping us all close in the loving embrace of your arms.

“Lord, let me see what you see so I can see too. Let me be your hands so that I can serve graciously, let me be your feet to go where you would have me go, let me feel your heart so that I can have abundant compassion as you do. Teach me to be what you need to who you need me to. Thank you for loving me first; anyway. “