A Grace-Filled Moment

I love looking out the window to watch my kids play when they don’t know I’m watching.  Deep-seated giggles don’t happen as often as they used to; they are precious. I have seen a lot of things through windows: kids, puppies, friends, gardens being sown, rainstorms, tears, secrets, hurts, excitement, beauty, damage, dry seasons, budding life, snowfall, fingerprints, memories. Picture worthy things that pass by too quickly to capture. I wish I could capture them all to review later–to look at the changes and the maturing, the wisdom and knowledge gained through living. Just like the kid-smudges on the windows, my memory blurs the exact picture. Was it five years ago? Ten? Hard to remember…but that is part of life too.

I try to keep my windows clean so that I can sometimes snap a quick picture of a fleeting moment. We live here though. There are always new smudges or webs or water spots or streaks. How is it that streaks seem to appear as soon as you change angles? Someone told me once that if you wash the inside horizontally and the outside vertically you’ll know which streaks are on which side. If I could remember to wash them this way it seems like a good tip! But I wash quickly on a whim and it seems like I’m always finding streaks or dust or a fingerprint left behind.

 

If I think about it though…give the irritation of erasing another blur on the smooth surface a second thought…I would remember how thankful I am that my children are here to leave their mark. They won’t be at home forever. We are already in the teen years and well on the way to independence. Fingerprints a gift? Yes. Laundry too. Maybe even shoes by the door.  Today is one more day that I get to be the one to take care of them. One more day to show love and momma-presence to these kids who missed me for so many depression-numbed years. Fingerprints are a gift. Grace.

If I take time to notice. I see His Grace and how He takes care of me. When I look, while I am seeing home.

I told Him I would fall into Him completely with this depression thing.

I did.

He answered. So lovingly and fully.

He pursues me when I don’t know I need Him to. It wasn’t a good thing but He used it for good. He called me to Him and started healing me. I have begun to see Him a little bit everywhere.

I know that the re-making process leaves scars, but He leaves fingerprints on me and in my life.

Sometimes they are obvious sometimes I see them later. I can’t even begin to count the number of times that God has been whispering something to my heart that I don’t want to hear and then I hear it from other people.

Am I willing to look for God anywhere? Hear His voice…even when the lessons are hard? Trust His mercy and love for me?

During some of the more overwhelming days at work I struggled to feel valid. I felt like I was holding everyone back and bogging the whole system down. I didn’t know enough, couldn’t remember enough and generally didn’t feel enough. I was tired and irritated with myself and not listening for God’s voice. I didn’t feel like it.

In walked a customer who asked some questions about our punch card system.

I did not have an answer for him. It felt like the millionth defeat of the day.

“I don’t know how it works. I should know because I work here…but I don’t”

I did not expect his reply.

“Maybe it’s not your job to know everything.”

“Uh Maybe.” I replied. I wasn’t sure how to react to that.

“You’re a Christian, right?”

What? Was it written on my forehead somewhere? I don’t think the example of Christ was all that evident in my attitude either.

“Yes…”

“I’m Jewish. But I know a few things…doesn’t the Bible talk about loving your neighbor as yourself?”

This was possibly the weirdest conversation I had ever had with anyone.

“Yes. It does…”

“If the Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself…don’t you think it applies reversely?”

“Probably?”

“So, you take care of your neighbors…you should then have grace for yourself?”

How do you respond to such a gentle rebuke and reminder when God speaks this loudly?

I don’t remember my answer but it was such a kind but clear directive: The verse goes both ways. My neighbors are God’s children just like me.

Lord you love me so well.

Just one fingerprint. Are there more?

The day I was scheduled for four hours and told God I didn’t have time to read my Bible?

I found out There was a scheduling mistake and I spent the four hours on a walk with Him that was good for the soul.

Fingerprints.

Every grace through my son’s accident and there were so many (read about it here)

Fingerprints.

Getting hired without applying…(crazy

story ask me about it sometime)

Fingerprint.

Forgetting my debit card after ordering coffee in the drive-thru…Person in front of me pays…

Fingerprint. (And So much relief…)

Triple booking myself…

-one event delays, one cancels and all works out.

Fingerprint.

Or coincidence.. if I’m not looking for His hand.

Writing a blog post two hours longer than I planned… when I need to drive 45 minutes to pick up the oldest daughter who gets me the message that she does’t need a ride?

Fingerprint.

I don’t want to wash this window. I want to remember and draw closer. To cherish the view.

He is always talking if I will listen, seeking my heart if I will turn, loving me even broken as I am, and guiding me if I will hear His voice. He is good. He is my shepherd.

When I am walking through my day looking through the window of my mind, will I see smudges and streaks…cobwebs and water-spots…all the things that could have gone better? Will I see what I should have changed, what needs to be improved on, what needs to be washed a different direction? Or will I see grace in the fingerprints?

Will I count the troubles as an opportunity to see Him working and guiding me? I’m trying. Will I dare to always listen to His voice, see His fingerprints…

Say “Yes” to His adventure?