Before and After
I was hanging upside down. I could feel the blood rushing to my head as I tried to figure out where my feet should go so that I stayed hanging. I was pretty proud of myself actually. So far I hadn’t fallen out. As far as trust exercises go, I didn’t have much to lose. The hammock/trapeze/harness thing didn’t seem like it would fall, but even if it did (or I did) the ground wasn’t far. I simply wouldn’t think about the “what if” and focus on what I was doing.
I’m glad no one comes around to take pictures. I am certain my face was beet red. I am not used to being upside down. I realized that instead of relaxing to get “traction” on my lower back; I was actually tensing every part of my body in an effort to not have to trust the contraption I was hanging from. I took a deep breath and slowly leaned into the harness. This whole thing seems pretty silly since I was hanging from the thing the entire time. Somehow relaxing felt like I was less in control. More prone to just flop to the ground.
“I’m learning trust…upside down at a trapeze yoga class God?”
Pretty sure He chuckled.
As I felt the tension go out of my arms, the stretch started in my back. Which felt good for about two minutes. Then I heard the instructor call out for an optional (more advanced) counter pose. A backbend. I can do those. For some unknown reason, though I haven’t kept up with any exercise regimen, my flexibility did not go away.
I did something mirroring the instructor but far slower. I ended up facing the right direction but with my arms all wrong and backward. I adjusted this several times. I was still wrong.
The instructor came over and helped me correct whatever was wrong. “Okay, now just push out with your arms and arch your back. Like a push up!” She encouraged.
Except that I couldn’t. While I had maintained my flexibility…the same could not be said of my strength. I literally couldn’t move. I could sort of twist, almost bend forward, but I could not let go of the handles, push up into the backbend, or move much at all.
Real life consequences here people.
I laughed.
The lady next to me smiled. “Just push and you’ll get it!”
“I’ve got zero arm strength..and…I’m sort of stuck” I said still laughing.
“Me too honey!” A lady from the front shouted. I was not alone!
I managed to very ungracefully maneuver back to where I had been before. It took every muscle I didn’t have.
Still laughing occasionally, and with arms shaking, I finished out the class. I even did the flip out of the hammock-thing at the end to get to the floor. I had the best time! It was freeing to try something new but with no expectations of greatness.
As I was getting my things together we started joking about the different struggles we had had during class. “I used to be pretty strong!”
“You did great! You’re pretty flexible!” The instructor encouraged.
“But not strong,” I laughed.
January is one of those months where you see Before & Afters, declarations of will, commitment, intention, and renewed efforts to become someone new. A time to make changes. It’s also the month that pressures us to start now or else, make a big change or else. Make progress now–or be a failure until next year.
I like that idea. Free trial month. Doesn’t cost, doesn’t count. A free do-over.
Sounds familiar.
Grace.
Free to us. Resets. Past wrongs don’t count. A free do-over. Grace to get stuck upside down in a trapeze swing and laugh at yourself; and keep going. Grace to look for change in your temper when minutes later you’re yelling because life is messy. There is Grace friend. Because of His Grace? That stuff doesn’t count. It’s just the part we laugh off; learn from.
Whatever it is you want to see change? There is Grace for that. Whatever it is that you can’t seem to do no matter how hard you try? Grace for that too. And we can’t always see the progress we make.
Because we are too close.
Maybe our progress is slow. Maybe it spans years or decades. Maybe it was so quick we’ve forgotten. We can’t see it, but it is there. It is just as important in this battle-of-the-mind to remember the victories as it is to shake off the losses. Remember the moments we saw or felt a change. Cling to them.
How to see progress in your Before & After
1. Don’t Count!
The number of times you’ve struggled with something is not an indication of progress. There isn’t a formula. Your journey is your own. You walk it uniquely, in a way that only you are capable of. If you walk a journey for two days and move on…wonderful! If it takes you two years—amazing! This journey is your creation. Yours alone. Don’t miss any of it counting the mistakes or going into debt in shame.
Most weight-loss programs will tell you “Don’t go just by the numbers on the scale.” Why? Because it isn’t a true measurement of progress. The same goes for life. Don’t count or compare. You are in a lane of your own. It might look similar to someone else’s. Sometimes we walk next to others who are going the same direction for a while. It won’t forever. This is yours! Decorate accordingly!
2. Have Grace for yourself.
You are going somewhere! You may not get there in a straight line. In fact I’m pretty certain you won’t. That’s okay!
If you don’t accept that there will be a series of steps both forward and back, it will be hard to see your progress! If you find yourself saying “But I’ve done this before…” then refer back to number one!
Do you remember the first time you rode a bike? How hard it was to get started, and then how hard it was to stop once you were going? First you used training wheels and still somehow managed to fall off. (Just me?) After you’ve mastered the training wheels though? You still might not have the hang of it. More falls and more defeat. But still… if you keep getting back on, you will get it. And once you truly get whatever you are working for…it will never be as hard again to polish off. Every journey shares this struggle. When you finally get it… it will feel like flying! It is worth the effort to keep getting back up. Grace, Friend.
3. Accountability Partner
I don’t mean the kind that calls you and orders you to do what you said you would (although those kind are valuable).
I mean get an Accountability Partner who will keep YOU accountable to telling the TRUTH about YOURSELF. Keep you seeing straight. We are great critics of ourselves. Sometimes we run away with our thoughts and get way off course. We need friends and family who are willing to be vulnerable enough with us to be honest, and prevent self-bullying. Self-bullying is not helpful to progress or vision. It is not motivating.
It even more important that you keep yourself rooted in the Word. It is where all truth comes from. We never want to replace it with something else or someone else.
It is the living word. It changes every time we read it because He perfectly knows what we need. Stay in the Word and feel your heart soften, your eyes open, and your gaze remain firm.
4. Place Your stones along the river.
Mark your path. Take an actual photo. Whether you started this journey a year ago or a minute ago. Take that picture; now is better than never. Take the uncomfortable one, the one you’re trying to change. It won’t always make you cringe. Someday it will be proof that you made progress.
If its not a photo, write it down. The good, bad and ugly of where you are. Honest. What you think, how you feel. Document where you are right now. Document your goal. Find a scripture to guide you on this journey.
Or write on actual stones if you like. As you go along this journey to change, document the milestones. The big things, the important things, the things worth remembering. It is a hard thing to do now, but the further you go, the more progress you will see and the easier it will be.
5. Un-focus Your Vision
Not focus–broaden or maybe even blur that vision!
(Un-focus isn’t a word, but I am going to use it anyway.)
We are on a journey to see progress for the better! Good things! Good change! Things that we have wanted to do forever. Why would we want to un-focus? Wouldn’t we want to hone it? Shape it and focus it to a point?
Yes and no. Yes we need clear vision to define our goals, but if we get too far without looking at how the change affects the rest of our lives, we very well might be making things a lot more difficult! Change needs to be part of our lives and if we let it from the beginning we will save effort!
By broadening our vision, we incorporate our lives…our whole lives into our vision.
Lasting change comes not when we make a “diet plan” or “quick fix,” but when we make plans to add change to our already existing daily lives.
So, it’s the 22nd of January. You haven’t started? Today’s your day. You’re on track? Keep going!
Get out there and start working on those goals. Whether its July or January you haven’t run out of time. Grace is infinite. Starting is your before. Starting again is part of the journey. The journey can’t end if you keep getting up!
Let’s Start with the most important steps:
Kneel down, look up. Fix your eyes, take a breath. Say a prayer.
You are ready. You’ve got this!
Lord, I need your presence today. I need you in my life to help me make this change. Help me to make the changes that I need to make in order to become the person you created me to be. I want your vision for my life. Help me to stay humble so that I can learn. Help me stay strong so that my failure becomes part of my story. Help me lean because I can’t do any of this on my own strength. Teach me when to stop, when to start, and when to rest. I put on the full Armor of God that I might resist the devil’s schemes. I thank you for this heavenly armor of protection.
I will seek your face and the truth of your Holy Word. I accept your grace and mercy over my life. I know that I will make mistakes and go the wrong way, but Father I ask that you would lovingly guide me back to the right path. I trust you with my life and my heart and I am ready to walk this path with you Lord. Thank you for your blessings and kindness, for your protection and your presence. Thank you for loving me and caring for me. For always coming after me even when I hide. You are my Savior. Teach me to be held by you. Teach me to be your sheep.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
