Grace Overflowing

God…This feels like the catch.

Is this the part where I find out you’re too good to be true?

(Dear heart, that is not who I am. Keep seeking. Walk with me and learn my voice. Learn my heart.)

When doubt arises and I can’t hear truth I struggle to keep my head up. These are the times that are lonely and hard. The times when it seems like maybe He isn’t as amazing as I remember. Maybe I’m being dramatic. Maybe… maybe I had expectations too high. Maybe I was waiting for Him to do what I thought was best.

When He asks me to do something I don’t want to do; something I had escaped from that He is asking me to go back to…do I still trust Him?

Is this the catch?

No. These are the lies. I know this in my heart. I have to repeat it. “This is the catch” is a lie. If God is asking it is good. How do I walk through the less than pleasant terrain? How do I trust Him when He asks me to go back into the darkness?

I lay it down.

I trust the promise.

I forgive.

I look up.

I search for Grace.

I remember.

Remember the big things and the times when He showed up so tangibly that I couldn’t deny His presence. Remember each touch of grace and mercy. Remember the spirit-wind that blows through worship. Remember despair dissolving and the breadcrumbs of faith that help me piece my vision together. Remember before I forget. Before the enemy overwhelms and distracts. Before I am confused by the swirling waves and forget that my savior is waiting for me to lift my eyes.

If you’ve been to many graduations you may have heard the story about a professor teaching students how to live life. The lesson is about a jar.

He begins, “How much life can you fit in here?”

The professor proceeds to fill the jar with stones and then asks, “If you fill it with rocks is it full?”

The students agree it is now full of rocks nothing else will fit.

Then he asks,  “What if you add pebbles…now is it full?”

As the pebbles fill in the cracks between the larger rocks the students understand and catch on. Now it is full they say.

Then he continues, “If I add sand…now is it full?” Of course it is full now the students agree, chuckling. The pebbles filled in the cracks between the rocks, and the sand filled in the cracks between the pebbles.

“This jar is full… right? But what if you add water?”

“Now it’s overflowing.”

If we have our priorities straight we can live a full life. Building on the large things responsibly we have room for the pebbles, sand and water. Everything fits and we can enjoy life to the fullest. If instead we do all the little things that interest us in the short term and fill the jar with sand or pebbles, we may find that nothing else fits.

What if, to experience the fullness of God…we need to fill our jars the same? A foundation of faith and scripture; rocks cementing our relationship with our Lord. Pebbles of experiences while walking with Him fill in the cracks. A million grains of grace and providence fill in the smaller cracks. And if we dare to lean into Him and let Him pour out on us? The jar is filled to overflowing with the presence-water of God.

He is faithful.

There are pebble-sized experiences with God. And there are miracle sized ones.

His hand in my son’s life a few weeks ago is not likely something I’ll forget. My 11-year old son fell 14 feet from a tree and landed on his head.

A branch gave way beneath him. He literally cracked his skull in two places.

He didn’t have any other real injuries, just a scratch on one shoulder blade so mild it didn’t even bleed.

It’s just over a month later and he’s doing amazingly well.

We are still in awe of the whole thing. God’s fingerprints are all over it.

He fell on a Sunday afternoon. Completely unconscious for at least a few minutes and not remembering how he ended up on the ground. He was speaking in circles and kept landing on the same points…

“What day is it? Am I bleeding? What happened?”

I immediately applied essential oils and a cool washcloth while we waited for 9-1-1.

He was rushed to ER by ambulance and received amazing care and a CT.

Three hours later the diagnosis; two cracks in the front of his skull, a sinus full of blood and a concussion. All to be watched very closely. If the swelling continued in the sinuses the bones could shift and require brain surgery. So we prayed and waited.

We waited for the phone call from the Neurosurgeon three hours away to see if we were staying put or about to drive behind an ambulance. It was a long handful of hours.

A prayer chain began, spreading to hundreds of people within an hour of the event.

Love.

We got the relieving phone call that we could stay put as long as the local surgeon kept a close watch on him all night. The swelling would get worse but they hoped not bad enough to move the bones.

Strength.

The swelling never peaked like the staff expected. The swelling never got to the danger zone.

Grace.

Providence.

Twenty-Four hours later we were home.

A Miracle.

At one point I let him sleep and stopped oiling him. The swelling was so prominent in the morning it was obvious the oils were at least in part keeping the swelling down. I kind of panicked and threatened him with being oiled up every twenty minutes for life.  Definitely a “mom” statement.

Except for being grounded from the trampoline for the summer because of the concussion, he’s pretty much back to normal.

Grace.

But there is more…

One of the most amazing parts of the story is how God put me at ease.

Saturday, 24 hours before, I felt an urge to pray. I spent some time saying a prayer for a friend of mine, and went on with my evening.

Obedience.

But the feeling wouldn’t leave. It got stronger and I almost wondered if I was having some sort of hot flash or panic attack. It was so intense that I prayed.

“God, what do I do with this feeling? Is this something to listen to or is this a physical symptom?”

(Just pray)

So I did. I spent at least an hour praying intensely for anyone I could think of and repeating myself again. I worshiped and praised and prayed. I didn’t know what I was praying for but I trusted that God could direct prayer to whomever He needed if He requested it.

Faith.

I prayed hard until I felt a still peace come over me.

(Good. Go and rest.)

I woke Sunday morning and things went as normal. I did wonder why I needed to pray so much, but it was God’s business after all, wasn’t it?

I still felt off.

“God what is this feeling? What does this mean?”

(Be ready)

I am working on this obedience thing. When I feel Him nudge, I answer.

“Yes Lord, I hear you. Okay. Show me when it’s time.”

We got to witness two baptisms at the river after church. I was excited because of the setting, most baptisms happen in our building. Maybe this was the exciting thing I was to be ready for?

We went and watched and welcomed our new brothers into the family. It was beautiful; a privilege to witness.

It didn’t feel like the only thing I was supposed to be ready for, so I waited.

We went home and carried on with the afternoon.

When I heard the kids yelling about their brother breaking something I was curious. When I walked around the corner and saw my 11-yr old unconscious on the ground I paused. My heart froze, but the panic I expected didn’t come. Instead I felt a firm support of love and peace. I felt anchored.

I understood.

This was what I was praying for. This is what I needed to be ready for.

(Yes, This is it. I am holding you. I have this. Go do what needs to be done but don’t worry. I have him.)

“Okay Lord. Thank you for telling me to pray. You are gracious! You had me praying 24 hours ahead of time. Of course I will trust you with this.”

Even if he doesn’t make it?

I really don’t know where that thought came from. Me or not, my answer was easily yes. How could I not trust a God so faithful, who knows me so well that He told me to pray for my own son before the incident?

Grace.

This miracle happened to our family. It is symbolized by a branch in our prayer shadow box. This alone doesn’t keep the doubt out. I am forgetful and impatient.

To keep doubt and deception at bay I need more of Him. More grace, more evidence. I am so achingly human. I will always need more of Him. We were created to need Him.

So I search for the pebbles of Grace. The things that used to strike me as coincidence. The things that will fill more cracks in my faith…

The random check in the mail for the exact amount I need to pay another bill that came in.  Realizing I left my wallet at home after ordering coffee in the drive through line…then having the car in front of me pay for my order. Being too busy to make dinner and having someone invite you over last minute.

They aren’t much. They count. They fill in space. Less room for anything not God.

And then…the sand.

A smile, wave, joke… Kids telling silly stories, people holding doors for each other, small acts of service or even kindness in general. And the things that don’t involve people…delicate petals, humming bees, quiet snow, crisp autumn air, warm sunlight, cherries picked fresh from the tree, and a million other little graces; little grains of sand.

If I take the time to look for them and note them; to fill my jar…I am full and blessed. Who can hold more? I don’t deserve any of these things. I didn’t earn them. They are gifts. Abundantly given.

Grace provides the freedom to step out in faith without the fear of failure. Because if He provides for me when I’m not looking…how much more will I see when I am? If I look and acknowledge and live joyously in the experience…won’t I see more? Won’t He meet me there?

And if after all these things… He graces me with His presence…how overwhelming. I brim…

I am amazed that I have the capacity to hold more!

I overflow.

Remembering where I’ve walked with Him. That’s how I trust. When He asks me to return to something that seems like darkness, I trust Him by remembering how faithful He has been. Eyes on Him even into the storm.

“Yes Lord you bless me. I trust you. I hear you. I will walk.”

How has God graced you? Can you see the fingerprints He has left behind?

P.S. If you are like me and wondering if you can fill your jar with just stones and water? Yes, God can show up and grace us with His presence no matter how full our jars are at the moment. He is mercy.