Rewriting the script
I am right in the middle of Life coach training with Dr. Edie Wadsworth and Life Mentoring School. Technically we are past the middle but for transparency– I’m a little behind.
We have a saying, “We go first.” Meaning, we get to coach ourselves and each other. We get to dig deep into emotions and thoughts; and wade through feelings and what we make things mean. It is both amazing and brutal. In the best way if that is possible.
As I have looked at my thoughts towards myself the last several months, I have not been taking my thoughts captive, and I have noticed that I am not very nice.
Anyone else?
The first time I read this verse, I assumed it would be my enemies (whom I had never met) arguing about my character to the Lord. I never thought I was being pretentious myself, assuming I knew more than He does about me.
If what we think matters, and I was letting my thoughts about me run wild (we did just write a letter to our younger selves last week), then what were those thoughts? What if I took them captive?
Curious, I sat down to write all the negative thoughts I could about myself. I wrote down everything I could remember that I had thought, felt, or decided about me that didn’t make me feel fabulous. It wasn’t terribly long, and I count that a small win.
For each statement, I wrote the emotion that it invoked. I expected as many varieties as sentences but found only five: rejection, disappointment, feeling trapped, or feeling pressure.
The thing is, by letting myself run on this programming of double-binds and guaranteed negative outcomes, I will never find a day that goes right.
This negative input and internal bullying keep us stuck forever in a self-perpetuating wheel of misery. That sounds dramatic, but how much fight are we putting up against this internal dialogue? Would we allow anyone else to be treated that way?
We internally know that “if only _____ would change by ________, I could really flourish!”
What belongs in that space is me. It should read, “If only “I” would change by “speaking kindly to myself”, I could really flourish!”
What if we spoke to ourselves the way we would our dearest friend or loved one?
How is your internal dialogue? Is it kind, honoring, grace-filled, and life-giving? Does it point you to Jesus at least? Does the day-in and day-out teleprompter need a reboot?
I’m inviting you into a new headspace, just a few minutes writing down some of your repetitive thoughts, or the ones that come up when you make a mistake. Make a note of the things you let run through. What kind of setting are those thoughts creating? Do they make you feel more freedom and more at peace, or are they stealing something from you? Are they empowering?
If you had a perfect day where nothing went wrong who would you love to be?
Spoiler: You can be that person, that perfect day person is you! That’s why internally we argue when someone says something that is contradictory to this true self.
I dare you!
