Taking Pictures

The couch was so comfortable it felt like a hug. Still in my workout clothes I settled into the back corner with a hot decaf latte, letting the pillows invite me in. I wanted to sink until they covered me up, sucked me into some quiet place where I could hide from the world and the day and all the emotions that were mocking me. Maybe I would disappear and no one would notice the pile of notebooks or flip-flops in front of the couch in the back of the coffee shop.

I sighed. I wasn’t really going to hide from the day, but hopelessness was stalking me and I hadn’t sent him away yet. I reached down and pulled out my bible.

“I don’t know where to start. I know this anxiety is helpful or functional but I don’t know where to go with any of this. Lord what is my word for this season? I am scared of this giant, and I know you will equip me but I feel very empty handed right now. Please give me strength to step into this, give me peace enough to look to you instead of react.”

Psalm 91 came to mind and I pulled out my bible. I was still hiding in the corner but I wouldn’t cower from the circumstances. What we put off today just gets bigger tomorrow anyway doesn’t it?

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely He will save me from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover me with His feathers and under His wings I will find refuge; His faithfulness will be my shield and rampart.”

“Okay Lord, how do I dwell in your shadow, in your shelter? I need that protection and peace right now”

A familiar smile walked in and I reluctantly changed my posture to be more welcoming and less standoffish. I put a mental hold on my thought process and the problems yet to be solved, and called myself to be present in this moment of joy.

Just over an hour later I was leaning in to hear every word this sweet soul was speaking to me. We discussed life and cake (because life is all about dessert isn’t it?), family and hard choices. As minutes passed and we shared experience and emotion…the Lord began speaking to both of us.

It turns out she needed to hear from God as much as I did. As we shared our hearts and all the good—He spoke to us both.

So often we compartmentalize our hearts so that we can appear to be responsible adults. But none of us have it together.

She left the coffee shop and I began gathering my notebooks and colored pens (maybe I am a toddler…). What a blessing to have friends who speak life.

Psalm 91 was still laying open in my bible, a few verses near the end of the chapter jumped out at me…

“I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him…” Psalm 91:14

We are all a mess. We will always be a mess. It’s not about getting it right or learning perfection, its about drawing close to Him. But it isn’t a race we run solo either. He is our strength and our stronghold. He wants us safe as much as we want to be comfortable…maybe even more. When the waves get high, and the storm is howling, sometimes we need each other to remember how good He truly is.

“Hey, I know you feel like you’re drowning but remember when God…”

Remember when? Yes, lets. Let’s remind each other of His faithfulness and goodness. Let’s focus on what God did, rather than what the enemy tried. Turn the focus back to gratitude. Look to God and thank Him for the things we have and the things He is doing…rather than the discomfort of the problem. Joy is found in victory, not in comparison.

Hey self, remember when God asked you to write a blog?

It’s a good idea, He’s gonna walk you through a lot. Be obedient it’s worth it.

Hey friend, remember when God promised you it would be okay?

It will. He’s got you.