The Joy of Faith

Adventuring isn’t for the faint of heart.

Adventuring with God requires handing your heart over to the guide and following. Sometimes without a map, often only with a compass. I still feel the need to see the map, destination and route. I am thankful for His patience!

I have been struggling in a tug-of-war with myself this week. He has been so loving and good to tell me His heart through scripture, friends and prayer time. He also gave me a letter. I’m going to make you wait until the end to read it though. It’s a timing thing.

Remember the trust issue I brought up a few weeks ago? It’s still here; still lurking in the corners waiting for each and every possible opportunity to jump in and give its opinion. Trust is a choice and a constant state of learning who God is. I am not above the struggle. I am IN the struggle. I feel wisdom in the saying, “It’s not about the struggle, it’s who you trust through the struggle.” I hear that wisdom; but fear.

So I asked God for a word to study to help me through this season. You can just start chuckling now…it’s warranted.

He gave me the word “Rest.” I may have shuddered a little. Or a lot.

A little back story on the reaction…

I was pushing through some obstacles that I had made for myself and a good friend recommended a video by Pastor Mike Todd called “Stride.” (If you’re intrigued…watch Part 1)

There are five parts and I’m sure the other four are amazing…but part one stung so badly I couldn’t get over it to move on! He talked about Jesus’ walk on earth; how He would deliberately do things in His ministry. He walked something like 3,000 miles during His three year ministry and fulfilled hundreds of messianic prophecies. He didn’t run; He walked. Pastor Todd talked about how it never says “They walked with haste,” or “Jesus jogged.” But…walking is slow! I don’t even walk in my daily life unless it’s a speed walk or jog for anything further than 10 yards.

I suppose if Jesus walked and accomplished his life’s purpose and that many miles…I could probably jog less at least. I kind of hoped to forget that I felt convicted and saw the benefit in it.

This lesson was good for me…I honestly saw that God was bringing this to my attention to pick up…but I pretended I couldn’t hear and ignored the hint.

“God do you see how much progress we’ve made this year? I think I am really starting to figure out how to start this walk. I am excited to see where we go this year. What’s the next project? Where is the next adventure?”

(Don’t be afraid to listen daughter…with both ears. I believe the message was that your pace is not sustainable; you can’t keep running full out. You need a season of recharge, refresh, and balance.)

“Lord, I slept yesterday…”

(For five hours.)

It might be important to note that Pastor Todd mentioned that anytime you run into anything there is damage. When I ignore the voice of my loving Father who really does have my best in mind…I usually run into something.

This time I ran into myself. I am tying my own knots and then setting my mind to work through them in faith.

…

So… back to my word. Rest.

What? Like…do nothing, quit everything, sit at home and stare at walls?

(No, like rest in me and don’t run so far ahead the way you think you should go. Just because you fear rest doesn’t mean I’m asking you to quit.)

Oh. Patience. Praying and waiting for you to make the move or give the word?

(Yes.)

“So… less progress than striding. Can we go back to striding?’

I am so human. Oh…you meant it? Well in that case…can we go back to the first option? It might have been easier…

We want all the options, no consequences and pure happiness 24/7. God wants us to grow and learn who we truly are and were created to be so we can share in His love and generosity.

We will find His purpose for us when we stop striving in our own.

(Think of the Israelites in the desert. Not doing less…but waiting on me more. Go gather…but only the manna for today. Don’t strive to find more, or make bread out of dirt. Trust my timeline without expectation. Be content with as little or as much as I give you and trust. Just relax. Let me lead. It’s not a stop and rest. It’s: Rest in my strength and lay down yours)

*Sigh*

It’s interesting to me that by the time I slow enough to hear His voice, or listen to it…I already know what He will say. I realize that He has been speaking these words for quite a while, but I don’t want to hear it.

Rest in Him. Pretty sure that’s biblical.

I don’t know how to rest. That’s the truth. Okay that’s my first reaction. The truth is that I know how to rest but in my pride and control…I don’t want to let go.

I have learned a few things lately. I’ve been through each lesson a lot because it takes me a while to really cement a new concept into application. About fear and its trap, I’ve learned this:

A stronghold is based in fear. 

I don’t want to let go because I fear being wrong, being lost, wasting time, losing momentum or worse… going back to depression.

Fear is based on a lie: 

I fear being wrong about something important.

The lie is that I can be exactly right. I am human and mistake-prone. Of course I can and will sometimes be wrong.

The truth is God is Truth. I can be wrong…He can’t and isn’t. It is more about knowing my limited knowledge and experience and embracing that He holds all the answers AND wants what is best for me. He can reveal truth without me needing to know all things. He also knows my limitations.

The lie is that I could be lost if I fully let Him be in control.

The truth is: I am lost if I don’t relinquish control. He is perfect. He knows best for me because He created me the way I am. He knows my strengths and weaknesses, the path my life will take and what will bring me closer to Him. He has power over death; sin. If I don’t fall fully into him, I am lost anyway.

The lie is that I would be wasting time if I let go and He wasn’t there. Funny thing about this one is that I can’t even pretend to believe God isn’t there.

So the truth is…I am wasting time holding out. The sooner I fall into Him and let go and believe him for what I do believe…the sooner He can work wonders.

The lie is that I will lose momentum in my purpose and growth.

The truth is: my purpose and calling and journey with God is in His time and not mine. There is no such thing as too fast or slow. It’s His perfect timing that will line up with my growth and readiness to walk. It’s not about my momentum. It’s about Christ.

The lie is that if I let go and give everything to God…I could fall back into depression.

The truth is…I would still BE in the middle of depression without Him. This is His business. He is my creator and father. He is my healer. He is my savior. He saved me. I am at His mercy for every breath and step and day anyway. He is in control and I can trust for His provision.

Don’t believe the lie. Declare the truth.

It will save so much trouble to just take this step as the lies attempt to deceive.

It is desperately important to address lies as they come. Deceit brings distance from God and breeds distrust. I am a child of God…and too precious to lose myself to things so easily defeated by simple truth. And so are you…why engage the lies that drag us down when we know the truth? Because we question who we are. If we knew…truly knew? We would know that fighting the “injustice” doesn’t solve anything or make us feel better…it is beneath us. God is our father and He has called us to a bigger purpose than squabbling with an already defeated enemy.

I was asked this last week where my “Joy” was? When was the last time I just…had fun with God? I’ve had moments here and there where I truly revel in the gifts. I have mostly been so busy with life’s busy-ness and my desire to quench all the fears that I have forgotten to stop and enjoy.

When I finally overcame my pride and need to control I surrendered. I went to Him and  spent some time in focused prayer. When I finally settled…God shared this letter to me.

(Daughter, I am not your earthly father. You block all the times I speak when my voice ISN’T stern. I love you. I do correct, I do discipline, I engage and respond. But honey, I do it in gentle ways. I whisper “I love you” a thousand times a day. I care for you and prepare your day for you. I ache when you hurt and long for the day you understand, but I don’t love you less because you’ve made mistakes. I value your growth. Don’t be so afraid you can’t hear any other tone of voice but correction. I want the carefree, laughing, giggling days. I want worry free fun for you. They will come if you are willing to rest. I provide for you.

I will give you rest and tomorrow, words. Lets walk this into all the excitement I have for you. Be delighted. Be overwhelmed, be on fire: unashamedly!

Don’t hide your light under a barrel, nor your joy. I bring joy to the world, not serious despair. Let loose your inner, wild child. Be carefree. Things will find balance but you need joy to light your soul.

Do not labor in vain without joy. Find delight in purpose. You are in a perfect place where you can find delight and joy. And you see it! Jump in and develop. Spread cheer and joy!

Have faith and walk but stop worrying about where we’re going and just enjoy MY presence and our time. You have the people you need to lean on. You need to also have compassion for them but you need to cling to me. Learn my heart, my eyes and my hands. And then only see and seek my face. You don’t need to go do works, collect people, love better, be better or fit in. You only need to fall into me and dance and sing and delight in your Heavenly Father. 

Always come to me. I wait to hear your voice and I love to hear your heart.)

The joy of the Lord is your strength–Nehemiah 8:10

It should be joy to walk with God. To hear His voice and read His word; trust Him for my worries and problems. So why isn’t it?

My prayer:

“Dear Lord, I thank you for who you are. Thank you for those you have sent to walk with me. You are so gracious in your blessings and all you provide. Thank you for words that I can understand and hear in your Word. Thank you for all I do not yet understand.

I pray that you would continue to work in me. I am stubborn and sometimes I don’t listen on purpose. I pray you would forgive my attitude and rebellion as I choose to lay both of them down. I choose to forgive myself for my rebellion because it made me feel foolish, ashamed, wrong and full of regret. I choose to release myself from my hurt, resentment, bitterness and anger and I ask that you bless me.

I choose to change my vision to see all of the little things you do for me daily; to be grateful, to recognize Grace and to walk steadily behind you rather than at my own pace. I will not get this right perfectly but I pray that you will help me see and hear the Grace you have for me so that I will not judge myself as I learn and stumble.

My heart is still yours. My yes is still yours. I accept your grace and your rest.

Amen”

A thousand tiny moments. In a million different ways you can look back and see something from a new angle with just the tiniest shift in perspective.