Walking in Wonder

What’s your earliest childhood memory? A sibling? A toy? A new puppy? I don’t remember exactly which one was my first. Memory is funny. Sometimes I remember very clearly, but sometimes memories elude me.

God has perfect memory; He knows my first moment because He created it.

My first memory of Him was walking to church.

It was a warm sunny morning, it might have been Easter because I was dressed up. Church ready, complete with a white lace hat and pretty white church dress shoes. I had bruises on my legs from playing hard—I always did… and my church shoes had scuff marks. I should really apologize to my mom.

I remember looking up at the clear Arizona sky and not seeing any clouds. As I walked towards the building, I distinctly remember walking the sun-warmed sidewalk holding my Daddy God’s hand. We were going to church and I was excited. Joy bubbled.

I remember clearly holding His hand–not a fear, worry or doubt.

When we walked into the sanctuary it was dark. We sat near the back like parents with young children do…easy access to a door if needed. When the worship began, I saw the Holy Spirit in colors hovering over everyone. I don’t know how else to describe it; that’s what I saw.

My young memory may have seen things that I would not see now… But child-like wonder is like that isn’t it? And there’s something special about that.

I didn’t even question what I was seeing. I just reveled in it. It just was. I was loved, God was real and these people loved Him dearly. This was my place.

What happens during the growing-up process to make us so serious? How do you have fun with God? What does it look like to delight in His presence and just have unbridled joy?

Fear to freedom…

Fingerprints to faith…

Seriousness to—joy?

“Lord how do I enjoy you without being so serious? Life is serious. I want to grow and be changed and make changes and be different; mature. I know it’s a process, but where is there time for fun. Don’t I enjoy things already?”

I sigh.

I do enjoy things but…I have books to read and checklists to finish, house to clean, research to do…and….this is not what fun looks like is it?

I don’t necessarily enjoy the same kind of fun others do. But what would my fun look like and why is it so hard to describe fun?

I enjoy His sense of humor when He whispers to my heart…

It’s both endearing and annoying that He parries my arguments with soft reminders that I know the answer and am arguing just to argue. Inside jokes with God…what a curious thing!

It’s fun when He reminds me of memories as I people-watch; we reminisce.

His warm presence comforts me and reminds me that we share the hard moments too.

He gifted me the opportunity to sing worship last week and this week. It was an amazing gift-wrapped blessing. It felt like Christmas.

I’m not going to lie…there were grateful tears happening.

It’s fun when He surprises me with gifts and blessings! He knows my love language! It was a joyful experience; an abundant gift.

Is this the joy? The fun?

When I am having fun with my good friends we just hang out. We share blessings, troubles, sorrows, joy, pain, good food and coffee. I can do all those things with God too. It’s relationship based on trust and openness.

He took the first step.

He reminds me of things He has spoken to my  heart.

(…Be delighted. Be overwhelmed, be on fire: unashamedly.)

and cloaks me with peace.

(Be excited! Don’t try to contain it. Emotions are part of experiencing life fully. Be carefree. Let go of your fear and step into the freedom that is pure delight without worry. There will be pain, but there will be joy! Just because emotions were dangerous before does not mean they are now. Trust me with your heart and your vulnerability,)

Unashamedly overwhelmed. Unapologetically on fire for Him. Be delighted?

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. John 15:11 (ESV)

My heart leaps at the ideas of fun and joy that these hold. I do yearn for it. How did I forget…

I remember carefree days of twirling and singing playfully with God. It didn’t make sense and it probably didn’t sound very musically correct but it was joyful.

I would spend hours singing and talking to God. Until trouble, worry, fear of man and to-do’s filled my days and I lost that time.

I want to get back to joy and delight.

What brings me simple and easy joy, makes me feel goofy and child-like?

Rainstorms. Really any kind of rain. Especially walking in the rain…mostly barefoot. Days with nothing to do but sit and enjoy a rainstorm and a good comfy sweater. Singing worship—always. Until my voice is hoarse and then singing with all my heart anyways.

Walking in purpose.

My four year old self? She knew what playing with the Father looked like. I remember in my spirit. I want those moments with Him to go on forever.

I remember and long for those moments…and then I realize that He isn’t done with me yet! I get to walk with Him more days! I get to learn this journey more every day. Praise the Lord!

I get more time; more moments. More time to go deeper, more time to love stronger. More time for this God-walk. Thank you Father for more time.

But let all who take refuge and put their trust in You rejoice,
Let them ever sing for joy; Because You cover and shelter them, Let those who love Your name be joyful and exult in You. For You, O Lord, bless the righteous man [the one who is in right standing with You]; You surround him with favor as with a shield. —Psalm 5:11-12 (AMP)